Yesterday was an auspicious day – yes we have finally got rid of the orange idiot – but it was also Tod’s birthday and what better present for him than Biden. Not the ideal candidate but at least it is not Trump. And I think Tod would have approved of this mild mannered sensitive and empathetic man. And if he pops his clogs, well he isn’t exactly a spring chicken — then we will have the first black female president. It’s an odd expression ‘pop your clogs’ – I think it comes from the idea of ‘popping’ meaning pawning – a person’s clogs after they have died because of course they no longer have any use for them.
Anyway, we can all breathe a sigh of relief and the knots in my stomach are slowly unwinding. I can start sleeping again – well at least try and best of all soon there will be no more Trump. A result.
It was also auspicious because finally my roof is fixed although I still have to get someone to take down the useless expensive scaffold – but I am not going there again!
My brother-in-law said Tod would be smiling on his birthday to see Trump defeated. I wish I knew that was true. How wonderful would it be to know that someone you are close to is still around somewhere in the ether? I have been thinking for some time of going to a spiritualist or clairvoyant just to check out if he is still hanging around. I doubt it as I am sure I would have felt his presence. He wasn’t exactly a shrinking violet. One definitely knew when Tod was around. Spiritualists will say that one sign that someone is hanging around is ‘visitation dreams’ well I have had those. Quite a few of them. Another is electrical phenomena – yes have had that too. Lights flickering and then black outs. It is probably all a loads of cobs wobble and I know that Tod didn’t believe in any of this, but I am still curious. After all my grandmother was a palmist and phrenologist and grandfather was a magician.
I remember waiting at Heathrow arrivals watching people embracing and crying with joy at seeing loved ones and thinking wouldn’t it be great if there was another special arrival space for people who had died, and they were allowed to come back for a visit.
Have you ever played that dinner time game – If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be? Sadly, the rules preclude it being a member of your family.
It’s the regrets that sometimes hound one – the ‘if only’ s’ and ‘why didn’t we’s’. Bloody useless this hindsight – what good is that. Where was it when I needed it most. But I am learning to let it go – it is just taking a while
But I can also smile now when I think about Tod. I am smiling just remembering the stack of birthday presents that I bought him that I know he didn’t like. I used to dread present buying time. It was hugely important to Tod probably because his mother never really did the birthday thing. I loved a celebration and any excuse to get us all together worked for me. We had Jewish New Year and 31 December, we had Hanukkah and Christmas. We had Thanksgiving, Halloween, Bonfire Night and Fourth of July and anything else that was up for grabs.
I fear there is not a lot to celebrate right now except, of course the mere fact that we’ve made it to this point in life. We are still here despite all the challenges we are facing. So maybe we just need to celebrate getting through another day. And I should celebrate just managing to write another blog.
“Let’s be careful out there”