Giving Birth and Curb Your Enthusiasm

As you might imagine there has been quite a lot of screen viewing over the last few months.  And I have some odd viewing habits. For example, I love to watch all the birthing programmes. The other day Toby came into my bedroom to find out why there was a woman screaming loudly – just as he came in the baby popped out covered in blood and slim – “FFS …mum what are you watching,” and he left the room disgusted.  But I am there with the mums, breathing through their labour, “Come on you can do it,” encourages the partner and me, and when the baby pops out, we are all overjoyed and relieved.  Tears flowing – all of us.

I loved being pregnant, even enjoyed giving birth in a weird masochistic kind of a way.  Although if Tod was here, he would tell a different story. “Don’t you ever touch me again,” apparently, I shouted as Zak was reluctantly pulled out. Of course, I deny this implacably.  If everything goes well there is no experience equal to the feeling you have just after you have given birth. It is as if you are the only one in the world that has does this and as you lay there exhausted with your baby next to you – suddenly nothing else in the world matters but you and this baby.   No wonder Tod felt left out!

I do miss having the children  around me –  I am sure I complained when they were little, but  I would do it all again – willingly. I especially loved being in bed with all three boys on a weekend morning. Of course I have selective memory here. And when older relatives would say “enjoy it  while you can as it goes so quickly,” and always at a particularly difficult moment when the children were being little sods, I would mutter ‘yeah right.’ But how true it is. I feel like I blinked, and it was over.  Hindsight hey – I find myself uttering those very same words of un-wisdom to parents and I can almost see what is going through their minds.

My other big joy is Place in The Sun the tv programme about buying property overseas. Even more attractive now I am locked in.  I have always fantasized about owning a place in Italy Spain or France. And still do.  Tod used to call these programmes Roma’s porn. I also devour other programmes such as Escape to the Country, Fantasy Homes and Grand Designs.

So,  I have a question and  it is one of those ‘why or why’ questions; why oh why does everyone always walk around the living room and say, “I can just imagine our Christmas Tree here” or  “imagine the Christmas lunches we can have around this table” Do they not realise that Christmas only comes for 1 day each year – are they really going to buy an expensive house based on where the Christmas Tree will go?   I wonder if Jews think “I can just imagine that the menorah would sit beautifully here ” – or ” this would be great for Rosh Hashona” – or Muslims would imagine their guests sitting eating in a particular place after Ramadan or ….  No it is always the christmas tree.

Staying with tv programmes for a time my friends have kept recommending  Curb Your Enthusiasm. “You will love it Roma,” they said.   Now, after watching just the first programme of series 1 and there are 6 series I am wondering what it is about me that they think I will love about Curb Your Enthusiasm.    I am already  feeling slightly uncomfortable just from the first programme. Larry David certainly knows how to dish out emotional punishment.  It’s a little too close to  reality  – the stuff we think but don’t share. The stuff we do but try to cover up.  It’s that awful, prickly discomfort we feel when a social encounter is spiralling out of control. I think it is best watching this on my own.  I just might need therapy by the end of series 6 if I make it that far.

Its Blog 51 and I am beginning to wonder why I am writing this. Certainly, I never thought I would make it this far. But should I carry on? And who am I doing it for? If it’s for me should it then be private and then I could really reveal my inner most feelings and it would be a cathartic blog.  If it is for others, then maybe I should try and make it a bit more interesting. Clearly as I only have 31 followers it isn’t really yet for the wider public.  But how does one reach the wider public? And do I want them anyway – all very riveting info I know.

But  for now I have earmarked the next hour to admin.  Have been procrastinating insurance claims for lost flights, questions from my IFA, moving around bits of money and preparing for the Will meeting which I had to cancel last week because I  hadn’t worked out some of the finer points such as executors etc and what  to do should I get sick.  I find all this so distressing. It took Tod and I 15 years to write a Will as every time we got to the point of who would look after the children should  something happen to us we would get so upset that the whole process would break down and get delayed – again. Only to be completed once the children were old enough to look after themselves.

We were both incredibly emotionally soppy. We would switch off the news if it got too distressing, walk out of the cinema if it became too emotionally upsetting and refuse to watch films with sad endings.  Tod stopped watching R4’s  The Arches after Nigel fell off the roof and died. “Why would they do that to us,” he said.  He certainly wouldn’t have been able to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm.

A therapist would have a field day with us – actually they did!

Enjoy your Saturday and “Let’s be Safe Out there”