The importance of touch

So there is this pigeon which just sits on a branch outside of my kitchen window. It is always there and stays for a long time. One time it flew down and rested on the patio and we looked at each other in a knowing way. On days when I am sad, I find it very comforting as I like to think maybe it is Tod.

“Hi Darling how goes it with you?” I fantasize that he answers. “Well Honey been flying around checking out stuff.” I loved the way he called me Honey. No one has called me this since he died. The pigeon coos, pecks on the branch, cocks its head to one side and we continue to stare at each other  until one of us has had enough. I swear not long after he died this pigeon flew onto the table next to my chair and stayed for the longest of times. I do think it is watching over me.

I miss Tod’s cuddles. He was a great cuddler. And it made me think about everyone else out there who must also be missing touch. I don’t think we realise just how important is physical contact until we don’t have it anymore. Someone said to me not long after Tod died make sure you have a regular massage because you will be missing the physical contact now that you are on your own. It is so true. It’s not about sex, more just having a hug when you need it, a stroke, a loving hand in good and in bad times, a sharing caress, a playful smack, even an angry thump.

So, I am concerned that the cost of this isolation for many people will be high. We aren’t meant to live in isolation. It isn’t good for our mental health or our immune system. I remember reading that physical contact — the good kind of contact obviously not the abusive contact – produces feel good hormones in the brain like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin – all of which help boost the immune system and ward off illness. And we certainly need to be building our immune system right now. 

 Holding a partner’s hand, cuddling, visiting with friends or family – all of these activities are just as important to our wellbeing as remembering to drink more water and get enough exercise. So how are going to sublimate this? I would welcome your thoughts.

Right now, I could do with a really good hug from Tod. I need him to put those great big arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be ok. That our boys will survive this, our economy won’t fall apart, that the dyeing will stop, the world will recover, and normality will be restored. I know dream on Roma it aint going to happen any time soon.

And I am wondering how’s it going to be for all those singles looking for  online mates. Just think about it. How do you meet a total stranger when you’re not sure if both of you are virus free? It’s kind of risky. Where do you meet? You have to sit 2 meters apart? wearing a mask? very appealing. No touching, or handshakes, just the odd elbow knock and definitely no kissing and intimacy? I guess its cybersex which at least will be good business for the sex toy industry. .

Me – well I am not very adventurous and certainly not on the market which is just as well by the way I look.  Dressed in many layers — it is very cold in our house with no heating — I resemble a rather crumpled  bag lady. I have forgotten what make up looks like, hair is long and out of control, and my escapade with the wax strips has not been very successful.

I have though seen better days. Here I am aged 18 at a charity event.


“Let’s be careful out there”